nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
