Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
