Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
What changed your mind?
Being sober
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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