Acid is not a monday night drug
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
