Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
