yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
