apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
