Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
