is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
