I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize