saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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