dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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