Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Soap is not a condiment
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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