By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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