How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
