Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
