cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
