everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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