i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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