would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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