so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize