Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
