Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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