I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
