Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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