Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
