i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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