I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
