im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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