peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
