and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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