She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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