so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
