So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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