ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
