all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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