Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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