I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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