there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
