the day after is always just damage control
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
