she was so not down for the gang bang
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
