His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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