I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
