It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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