Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
