woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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