Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
