Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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