i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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