you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
