Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
