Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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