someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
