I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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