I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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