I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
