I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
