She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
