the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
