Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
