So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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