pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My ass is underappreciated
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
