if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
