Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
