Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
