The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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