There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
