So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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