I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
