yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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