Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
