my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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