When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
