you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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