I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
