She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
